reading other Muslim women’s Substacks makes life feel a little less like a war and a little more like walking alongside others in the same shoes 🤍 more power to us and I pray the women after us live life a little freer
My favorite thing that I've learned in my twenties thus far is to accept that I'm "evil" rather than trying to constantly chase "perfection". A perfection that's always been an arbitraty man-made construct that can never be achieved, even by the people who've defined it. This was so good Rana, plz keep em coming
reading this as an eguptian who just came back here and has always felt unnerved by the way everyone reduces each others worth through measuring every achievement/merit against a single, one-size-fits-all scale of success hit a little too close to home.
omds i cant wait to read that, ive been trying to write about performative classism in egypt after my last essay but its taking me ages to articulate/describe how its really like (and also develop a thesis)
Substack recommended someone and I found this post in their notes, and I'm glad I did.
First off, you're not evil. Far from it. Quite the perceptive, intelligent, empathetic and beautiful soul, with an analytical mind.
You obviously have the purity of mind and soul, as well as the insight, to see the hypocrisy around you. To have this within you is the greatest gift of all! And no one can take that from you, no matter how hard they try to demonise you or manipulate you or belittle you -- so that they would gain total control over you.
In the footnotes, you're trying to stave off the people who could misinterpret your words, because the people around you irl have done that to you so many times. As a result, you're always careful to be very very clear about what you mean.
But what you mean is clear... and filled with heart and soul and beauty and pain and courage and self-awareness and inner strength. Your writing reveals your kindness and your empathetic nature, your struggle not to wrong the people around you as you try to save yourself from the emotional abuse and mistrust you've endured for several years.
If people, online and offline, don't give you the benefit of the doubt, or the empathy you deserve, then there is something seriously wrong with them. With them... not you.
I don't see anything in what you've said that should be perceived as an offence against Islam or the Arab/Muslim culture. On the contrary, you speak the truth when you say religion (any religion for that matter) is not a competition. You see the small-mindedness and hypocrisy of adult mothers weaponising their own kids to win some petty competition that says they're better and more superior than everyone else. That is not Islam, which is about treating other people well with humility and a heavy dose of morality and consideration. And it is not Islam to pick on a child or a teenager repeatedly so as to make them feel small and unworthy of love or respect or good treatment. It is not Islam to push a beautiful, smart and perceptive girl like you to describe herself as evil, when she quite obviously is the opposite of that. A girl (now a young woman) who is good and pure to the point she can see that competitive behaviour contradicts the spirit of religion and spirituality.
Women who use their kids as a weapon against other women, or who brag about their children's achievements to improve their standing in society are probably narcissistic. They see their kids as an extension of themselves, which tells us a lot about their jealous natures and their possessiveness. Such people tend to demonise their own children the moment they start to lose control of their kids. Nothing, to them, is more threatening than a child that starts showing signs of independence. A pliable child, easily controlled and manipulated is very hard to let go for self-involved and controlling personalities.
After all, adolescence is the beginning of emancipation for both young girls and boys. That's when they start forming their own independent self. That's why many teenagers are embarrassed by their parents, especially when they're hanging out with their peers. It's because they have started to move away from the metaphorical nest to build their own ideas, their own lives, their own community, their own relationships with people outside of the family. That's the most natural process in the growing-up journey, there is nothing evil or demonic about it. And that is what you started going through 6 or 7 years ago.
Parents who understand the natural stages of growth are supportive of their teenage kids and try to steer them away from harm (such as bad friends) with a light hand. They try to become their friends and build a relationship based on confidence and trust so that their child can always come to them when they're facing problems.
Being young around narcissist adults is difficult. But from what I've read, you have the resilience, courage, empathy, introspection, insight and brilliance to survive this. You're stronger than you think you are.
At your age, you're still building the emotional "muscles" you need to emancipate yourself from the "mentality" around. You've started with economic independence, which is probably the biggest first step into real freedom any young woman can take. Freedom from the tyranny of accusing you of being someone you're not just because you stopped being a helpless child and have started to blossom into a strong, independent, free-thinking woman.
For the future, please remember that controlling individuals and communities always aim for your self-perception, self-esteem, and your morale. For them, it's the easiest way to weaken your inner-strength. So, building your self-esteem, having high morale, being positive and energetic and productive is the last thing they want for you. Inner-strength and self-confidence are your birthright, the birthright of every human on earth. They are the siblings of human dignity and honour.
I apologise for the long comment, but I have gone through something similar and I thought I'd share with you some insight from my own experience.
You have no idea how much this comment means for me, I’m going to carry it into this next chapter of my life. I hope that you are able to find fulfillment wherever you go.
Fun fact: God loves everyone throughout the Cosmos that isn’t net-negative. Essentially, unless you’re a devil worshiper or a war criminal then God loves you.
Here’s a simple prayer to convince you:
“Commander of the Cosmos, Most Powerful Throughout the Cosmos, do you love me?”
P.S. Don’t forget to tell God that you love them back!
reading other Muslim women’s Substacks makes life feel a little less like a war and a little more like walking alongside others in the same shoes 🤍 more power to us and I pray the women after us live life a little freer
Ameen! It truly does feel like war sometimes lol, I could talk (and write) about this for hours
Ooh I love this response, it feels so good to feel understood and belonging!
This feeling exactly!
This is the first time I could relate to someone in this specific way. Thank you for writing this- you’re inspiring girlie
Thank you for reading queen <3 comments like these remind me how needed these conversations are.
My favorite thing that I've learned in my twenties thus far is to accept that I'm "evil" rather than trying to constantly chase "perfection". A perfection that's always been an arbitraty man-made construct that can never be achieved, even by the people who've defined it. This was so good Rana, plz keep em coming
I'd rather be evil to others than be a stranger to myself!
reading this as an eguptian who just came back here and has always felt unnerved by the way everyone reduces each others worth through measuring every achievement/merit against a single, one-size-fits-all scale of success hit a little too close to home.
GIRL I’m in Cairo right now and I wrote a whole essay about the classism here, I’m publishing it in Augusttt
omds i cant wait to read that, ive been trying to write about performative classism in egypt after my last essay but its taking me ages to articulate/describe how its really like (and also develop a thesis)
Related to this a lot. Your essays never disappoint!!
Thank you so much! I've been scared of posting bc I wanted it to be perfect but I'm glad I put this out there.
Substack recommended someone and I found this post in their notes, and I'm glad I did.
First off, you're not evil. Far from it. Quite the perceptive, intelligent, empathetic and beautiful soul, with an analytical mind.
You obviously have the purity of mind and soul, as well as the insight, to see the hypocrisy around you. To have this within you is the greatest gift of all! And no one can take that from you, no matter how hard they try to demonise you or manipulate you or belittle you -- so that they would gain total control over you.
In the footnotes, you're trying to stave off the people who could misinterpret your words, because the people around you irl have done that to you so many times. As a result, you're always careful to be very very clear about what you mean.
But what you mean is clear... and filled with heart and soul and beauty and pain and courage and self-awareness and inner strength. Your writing reveals your kindness and your empathetic nature, your struggle not to wrong the people around you as you try to save yourself from the emotional abuse and mistrust you've endured for several years.
If people, online and offline, don't give you the benefit of the doubt, or the empathy you deserve, then there is something seriously wrong with them. With them... not you.
I don't see anything in what you've said that should be perceived as an offence against Islam or the Arab/Muslim culture. On the contrary, you speak the truth when you say religion (any religion for that matter) is not a competition. You see the small-mindedness and hypocrisy of adult mothers weaponising their own kids to win some petty competition that says they're better and more superior than everyone else. That is not Islam, which is about treating other people well with humility and a heavy dose of morality and consideration. And it is not Islam to pick on a child or a teenager repeatedly so as to make them feel small and unworthy of love or respect or good treatment. It is not Islam to push a beautiful, smart and perceptive girl like you to describe herself as evil, when she quite obviously is the opposite of that. A girl (now a young woman) who is good and pure to the point she can see that competitive behaviour contradicts the spirit of religion and spirituality.
Women who use their kids as a weapon against other women, or who brag about their children's achievements to improve their standing in society are probably narcissistic. They see their kids as an extension of themselves, which tells us a lot about their jealous natures and their possessiveness. Such people tend to demonise their own children the moment they start to lose control of their kids. Nothing, to them, is more threatening than a child that starts showing signs of independence. A pliable child, easily controlled and manipulated is very hard to let go for self-involved and controlling personalities.
After all, adolescence is the beginning of emancipation for both young girls and boys. That's when they start forming their own independent self. That's why many teenagers are embarrassed by their parents, especially when they're hanging out with their peers. It's because they have started to move away from the metaphorical nest to build their own ideas, their own lives, their own community, their own relationships with people outside of the family. That's the most natural process in the growing-up journey, there is nothing evil or demonic about it. And that is what you started going through 6 or 7 years ago.
Parents who understand the natural stages of growth are supportive of their teenage kids and try to steer them away from harm (such as bad friends) with a light hand. They try to become their friends and build a relationship based on confidence and trust so that their child can always come to them when they're facing problems.
Being young around narcissist adults is difficult. But from what I've read, you have the resilience, courage, empathy, introspection, insight and brilliance to survive this. You're stronger than you think you are.
At your age, you're still building the emotional "muscles" you need to emancipate yourself from the "mentality" around. You've started with economic independence, which is probably the biggest first step into real freedom any young woman can take. Freedom from the tyranny of accusing you of being someone you're not just because you stopped being a helpless child and have started to blossom into a strong, independent, free-thinking woman.
For the future, please remember that controlling individuals and communities always aim for your self-perception, self-esteem, and your morale. For them, it's the easiest way to weaken your inner-strength. So, building your self-esteem, having high morale, being positive and energetic and productive is the last thing they want for you. Inner-strength and self-confidence are your birthright, the birthright of every human on earth. They are the siblings of human dignity and honour.
I apologise for the long comment, but I have gone through something similar and I thought I'd share with you some insight from my own experience.
You have no idea how much this comment means for me, I’m going to carry it into this next chapter of my life. I hope that you are able to find fulfillment wherever you go.
YES! Living as a liability is living freely tbh. Beautifully written piece, sis!
Thank you cutie <3
I have a theory that a woman finds herself and finds God at the same time. It's quite endearing. Thank you for this <3
This is beautiful, thank you for reading!
This article give me goosebumps
Best compliment ever thank you!
Fun fact: God loves everyone throughout the Cosmos that isn’t net-negative. Essentially, unless you’re a devil worshiper or a war criminal then God loves you.
Here’s a simple prayer to convince you:
“Commander of the Cosmos, Most Powerful Throughout the Cosmos, do you love me?”
P.S. Don’t forget to tell God that you love them back!